Back Again

It's been a long time since I've posted on this blog.

Partly because I've been busy, partly because I'm still seriously sleep deprived, and partly because I actually have so much that I want to write that I get overwhelmed.

I feel like I am still trying to figure myself out. I wonder if I will ever succeed.

Sometimes I'm bursting with ideas of things to create and write. Other times I want to crawl underneath the seemingly unending pile of things I have to get done.

But I'm resolving to write more. I need some kind of outlet. So, to start, I thought I'd jot down some of my thoughts about the marathon that Greg and I ran in September.

Training for the marathon was pretty grueling. In July I hurt my foot (I think it was tendonitis) so I had to stop running for a few weeks. Then, when I resumed running in August, I only did my long runs every week. The lack of training made me quite anxious about the actual marathon, to say the least.

We were so blessed that my dad and uncle Marcus came to Logan to watch Charlie during the marathon. That was a huge factor in our success that day--thanks dad and Marcus!

The first 14 miles of the marathon were downhill through a gorgeous canyon outside of Logan. The trees were breathtakingly beautiful with all the rich varieties of reds, greens, and golds. Greg and I both remarked later that the downhill portion was so steep that we couldn't help but run faster than our goal paces.

Mile 8ish

The second half of the course wasn't pretty. At all. It wound through neighborhoods and into Logan. Then at mile 18, it took us back out of Logan and through some of the surrounding towns. Around mile 18, I started to really struggle. I started walking more and more until at mile 22, I called my dad to tell him to come and pick me up because I was convinced that I couldn't finish. I think my dad could hear the desperation in my voice because he didn't let me even try to ask him to get me. Instead, he asked me where I was so that he could come meet me and finish the race with me. I didn't know it, but that was exactly what I needed.

Mile 15ish

I remember thinking during those last few miles that I had "spaghetti for brains". I felt so nauseous and achy and exhausted. I tried to reason with myself that the more I ran, the faster I could finish the run. But I couldn't make myself run. The finish line of the race was in a public park in downtown Logan, and the last 3 miles did big loops around that park. However, those loops were close enough that I could hear the announcer in the park calling people's names as they finished. All of these put together made for agonizing, torturous miles at the end.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, I saw my dad shuffling towards me. At this point there were still about 2 miles to go, and I was so grateful just to have my dad there. Running a marathon can be really lonely!

(My dad and I have a history of running races together. Since I was 13, we've done many community runs together. In 2009, we ran the Seattle Rock n Roll Half Marathon. We know how to run together, and I was unspeakably thankful that I could draw on those experiences and our shared dynamic in those last few miles.
I don't know if I could have finished the race that day without my dad there. )

Thanks, Dad.

I finished at just under my goal time, but that's not really important to me. One of the most important things that I gained from the marathon experience was confidence in my body. Only 9 months earlier, I was bedridden and so ill that I had to have my baby induced early. In those first weeks after he was born, I couldn't walk around my small Provo block without being seriously winded. I was sure that my body was broken and could never recover.

But I got better! I ran a marathon!

My body isn't broken. My body isn't a lemon. My body is strong, fit, healthy, and beautiful.
(This was actually the mantra that I would repeat in my head on long runs and during the marathon.)

I feel so blessed that Heavenly Father gave me a strong and healthy body so that I can accomplish good things in my lifetime. And that is the most important thing that the marathon taught me.

The Finish