One of the goals I made this year was to be happy. I have been working on it diligently. Here's what I've come up with so far that helps me specifically:
1. Maintain a positive inner voice
In my Psycholinguistics class last semester, for part of the class we were learning about mental disorders and the linguistic features they exhibit. One of the disorders was schizophrenia. What a depressing illness. After learning about the linguistic disorders associated with it, someone asked the teacher about treatments for schizophrenia. She told the class about how instead of heavily medicating, some behavioral therapists help these people learn to train the voices in their head to be nice instead of mean and scary. That way they can still feel like themselves without medication and without harming themselves or others; it's actually a very successful treatment.
I have suffered from depression for many years and don't believe in antidepressants for myself (having taken two different antidepressants as an adult and hating them). So I've been training my inner voice to be nicer to me, and I've been feeling better. When a negative thought comes to mind, I try to counter it with a positive one. It's actually a lot of work, but I think it's worth it.
2. Live in the present
I spend a lot of time daydreaming. I always have, ever since childhood. It has always been a form of escapism for me and I have daydreamed more and more since becoming an adult. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with daydreaming--the problem comes when I find myself wishing away the present moment. This problem reached its height just after Charlie was born. I had been really ill at the end of my pregnancy and I suffered through an incredibly difficult physical recovery and months-long period of severe postpartum depression. The situation was not helped by the fact that I was still taking classes for my Masters Degree and Charlie never slept predictably or soundly for the first year of his life. In that first year after he was born, I spent a lot of time thinking thoughts like, "I'll be happier when..." "I can't wait until...".
I effectively wished away that first year of Charlie's life, and I'll never get it back. I really don't remember much of what he was like that first year. If I had spent more time cherishing those cuddly moments when he was a baby, maybe I would have been happier, and maybe I'd remember little baby Charlie better.
I am determined to be happier. I have found myself wishing away these months of thesis writing (which is an entirely different post), but I have started countering those thoughts with positive ones. Clearly, doing tedious research and writing a book about that tedious research is not the way I want to be spending every spare second of time that is not already consumed by the full-time care of a toddler and home. But neither do I want to look back on these months and realize that I wished them away, too. And I'm already having lots more good days this year than I was last year.
That's progress, right?
I'm sorry Charlie's first year was so hard for you! Being a mom is hard for sure. I think it's really cool that you keep working on finishing your degree despite the set backs. You can do it!!!
ReplyDeleteI am just back-reading all of your posts. I forget that you have a blog sometimes! lol But anyway, I love this post. I'm glad you are harnessing your inner positive voice. And the 2nd thing you described is actually a very common thing we use in therapy called Mindfulness. It's similar to meditation, but really the idea of it is allowing yourself to be fully present in the moment. (It works super well for people with lots of anxiety, depression, addictions, or other high-anxiety disorders.) Anyway, so that's awesome that you were able to figure that out for yourself! It's a really hard thing to master because I think we are so used to be able to zone out these days- with phones, internet, tv, whatever. But noticing the moment is really important and valuable. :) These are both things I'm working on right now as well!
ReplyDeleteOh, my heck! I did the SAME THING when Avery was a baby! Which is why I have that quote in my kitchen, "Now is the time to be happy," because wishing I had better days and wishing she was older or that we had this or that wasn't helping. I needed to cherish my baby, just like you said. I don't remember much about her babyhood either except for the fact of how hard it was! I do believe, like how we've talked about it before, all of the sleep deprivation is a big factor in the post-pardum depression. Because clearly we seem to be the only people who had it extremely rough and I believe the lack of sleep was a huge contributor.
ReplyDeleteAs for the positive thoughts, you can do it! (said in the-guy-on-Waterboy voice) I was actually taken back when I read this because you seem like such a strong, confident person that it made me really sad to see you struggle with this! You can do it, though. You have so much to counter because everything I know about you is great!