Strongbad Style

Sometimes I feel like my head will asplode.

I'm not talking about the same single headache that I've had for almost 2 years. I'm talking about some of the most rampant sexism in 21st century America--that I hear all the time--and if I hear it one more time my head will asplode. Guaranteed.

I went out for sushi the other night with my close friend. She invited me along with her friends, so I was the tag along and I was feeling a little shy. Her friends were genuinely nice and friendly and I enjoyed their company. That is until, of course, the conversation turned into this disgusting sexism. Here's a paraphrase of what they were saying:

Friend 1: "So-and-so is having a baby. And she wants to go natural."

Friend 2: "She says that now, but wait until she's actually in labor..."

(And friends all chuckle.)

Yes. This is the sexism I'm talking about. I've heard it for so much of my adult life. I heard comments like this about me (to my face, nonetheless!) almost every day that I was pregnant with Charlie. Some days I did better than others at graciously disagreeing or changing the subject, but most days I went home and cried until I sounded like the lyrics from that Ben Folds song. (More accurately, just that one part: "Black tears are falling down her face...") I always told myself that it only upset me that much because my pregnancy hormones were raging at the time.

But I'm not pregnant and it took every ounce of my not inconsiderable self-control to not blow up at these nice ladies that I didn't even know. And then I went home and tried not to cry.

Talking about other women this way is really hurtful, and I think that most women don't even realize how damaging it is. I think that all of us (at least in America) have been raised hearing people say insensitive things like this, but that is just an excuse. Repeating things like this tells women that we aren't strong enough or good enough to birth a baby without modern medicine. It's bad enough when old-school doctors and alpha-male types spew this kind of garbage but when it comes from your fellow women, it feels like you're being doused with ice-cold water.

Let me be clear: I believe in modern medicine. I know from experience that medical interventions have their place in childbirth sometimes. But this pernicious sexism (perpetuated by women!), drives women all over this country to make fear-based choices that can end up harming themselves and their babies. I could talk about this all day long, but the big picture is the 32.8% of women in 2011 that gave birth via cesarean section in the US of A. The World Health Organization's research shows that optimal outcomes for both mom and baby are within a c-section rate of 5-10% and that any more than 15% does more harm than good.

Casual comments of "She says that now..." and "She's crazy to think that she can go natural..." really undermine a woman's confidence in her own body. I've lived that reality and it makes me sick to think that other women live it too.

Friends, do your part! Don't pass on these lies. And don't make my head asplode.